It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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