Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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