i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
