Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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