I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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