I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
