I wannas sexs uuuuu
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
