Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
