At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
