i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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