Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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