i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
