just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
