Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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