Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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