They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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