yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
