all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
