At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
