im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
