Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
