you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
