Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
