How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
