Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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