she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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