I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
