When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
