The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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