So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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