If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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