people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
