So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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