I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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