is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
