I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just want to make out with him forever
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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