Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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