so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
