So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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