I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
