Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I take back everything I said about communal showers
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
