I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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