why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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