I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
