Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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