last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
