For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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