Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
