This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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