I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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