My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
